This Thursday, the 25th, was our nine year wedding anniversary. After we agreed to not buy one another gifts this year, Jarrod was so sweet and booked a hotel at the beach for us. We got married on the beach and it truly is our happy place. We often talk about buying a condo and just moving out there; we can dream, right?
I was so excited for our mini vacation, planning for my mom to pick up our daughter from school and keep her overnight. My sister came and fed our dogs. Everything was set.
A couple days prior, Jarrod started to feel like he was coming down with a cold, so he went to bed early hoping to feel better before our trip. The night before we left, our daughter had her chorus program at school, but he was so sick that he didn’t make it and went straight to bed after work- not even eating dinner. I asked him if he wanted to cancel the trip but he was adamant about going.
Wednesday morning, we got up and got our daughter off to school, packed our bags, and headed to our hotel. Jarrod wasn’t feeling great but he was excited and ready to begin our mid-week, two day trip. We got to our hotel but the room wasn’t ready, so we walked next door for lunch. We both ordered grouper sandwiches and they were really yummy! As we were finishing our meal, we received the call that our room was ready. Yay!
We checked in to our hotel and brought our stuff up, settling in for the next two days. We decided to head over a block to Bula, a kava and kombucha bar. We stayed for a while, chatting and people watching. After a while, we decided to head back to the room. At this point, Jarrod started to feel sick and wanted to lie down for a bit. After a couple hours, he was ready to go to the pool or beach, my choice. I thought the pool would be better because it was close to our room. I could feel my anxiety kicking in. I really wanted to go to the beach, but our hotel was actually across the street and I was worried about not having bathroom access. We went to the pool for just a bit before the sun started to descend behind the building and the pool was shaded over. Jarrod really wanted to go to the beach and so did I, but my anxiety got the best of me and I told him I needed to go back to the room first.
We were in the room for at least 20 minutes. I wanted to leave but I was too nervous to walk over, not knowing where the nearest restroom was located. It didn’t matter if I needed to use it or not, the unknown is enough to send me into a full-blown panic attack. I used Google maps and looked at the surrounding area noticing a public beach access park about two blocks down. I knew there had to be a restroom there and sure enough, when I switched over to satellite view, I saw it. Now, I was ready to go.
We walked over to the beach and of course I had to check out the restroom, just to be sure it was open and working. Afterward, we walked down to the beach and had about 30 minutes before the sun set. Right as it was setting, Jarrod was feeling so ill that we had to go back to the room.
He ended up sleeping for a while and I ordered takeout from a nearby restaurant for our dinner. He only ate a few bites and went back to bed. He wanted to go back home that night, but it was getting late and I thought we should at least just stay the one night. We packed up first thing the next morning and came home. He was so worried about me being disappointed and promised to make it up to me, but honestly I wasn’t disappointed that he was sick. I was worried about him and just wanted him to feel well.
I was upset with myself. I hate that UC dictates my life. I think every decision I make comes back to thinking about how I feel, how I’m going to feel, where is the nearest restroom, can I eat now or should I wait, etc. It gets so old. So frustrating. If I had normal health, we could have at least enjoyed the one day we had out there. This condition makes it nearly impossible to do things quickly. Everything has to be planned and if it’s not, the anxiety takes over and I just can’t do it.
I am so grateful that Jarrod is so kind and understanding. He does so much research on the latest studies and finding related to UC. He buys supplements and vitamins for me. I truly could not ask for a better person to be by my side in this life. I was diagnosed 10 months after our wedding and he has stuck by me through the worst of it. I couldn’t imagine going through this alone. I’ve seen several posts in my support groups stating that one’s spouse has left them because this disease “is too much to deal with”. Life is tough and I’m so thankful that my husband has stood by his vow of “in sickness and in health.”
Jarrod still isn’t well, but he’s getting there. Maybe next week we will both be feeling well enough to go out to the beach for the day.